This text was developed from February to March 2025.
There are two values, which are important to me: freedom and comptenece. For years, I’ve struggled with doing more than the minimum asked of me and earlier than the deadline demanded – hindering me to develop both of these two values. Today, they are still only a vision, an idea, but nothing tangible. The old routines of indulging in cheap leasures have gotten old. My life seems dull, colorless and frankly, boring. This is about to change.
Doing a task may be hard. But not doing it is a nightmare. And still, after all the attemtpts which should have taught me diffrenently, I opt for procrastination as a default. And I don’t even enjoy the alternative (e. g. a movie).
Well, not completely. In summer and fall of 2024, I had some months, where I successfully took a break from video games and porn (still watching movies and TV series though). So, I know it can be done. I also know that it will not feel like the promised land the YouTube gurus tell you about. But it does not matter. It’s better than this. So, I want it back. And I will take it back.
Here is what needs to be managed or stopped. What I will put in its place will follow in the next chapter. My pledges:
There is no other place where I can lose myself as deeply and lose track of time as completely as with video games. They have been a companion since primary school and have never lost their pull on me. Only my feeling towards them have changed. I regret that I had put swaths of time into them and had put off finding my own adventure (instead of the ones of my digital characters).
Still, video games are a cool group activity. So, in short, they should be that and only that.
Last year, from about April to November, I was able to get rid of all my gaming behaviour (both single and multiplayer). It is possible. And I will do it again.
The same logic applies to watching movies and series. Enjoy them with other people. There is one notable exception: I quickly get bored on the rowing machine. As long as the distance counter goes up, the TV is allowed to be on.
The other destructive behaviour that I carry along since my childhood is porn. It started small, looking at images. But it grew and grew until I had to watch it every or every other day compulsively. Healthy sexuality looks different. So, it must go.
As with gaming, I had a good streak going last year (April to September, slowly fading into November). Then, for some reason, I cannot by the life of me comprehend right now, I allowed myself to watch it again, saying something along the lines of “it is possible to have a mature handling of this”. And the old habits, self-hatred, feeling of loneliness, etc. kicked right back in. It’s time to quit it for good.
The rules are strict: Nothing digital, nothing analog, and all degrees of explicitness are a no-go.
Days since last attempt:
Getting sent a reel or a short often leads to 1 – 2 hours spent on the phone and a feeling of guilt and emptyness. But still, it is an easy-access way to connect to people whom I would not have much contact with otherwise. So the apps stay on the phone, but the thumb is forbidden from swiping.
Podcasts and YouTube can be distraction or a resource. It depends on the situation. But as the information part is quickly forgotten without proper memorization, infotainment = entertainment. These are the rules I’ve come up with:
Step № 1 talks about what not to do. Step № 2 is an important interim stage between that and Step № 3 which is about what to do instead. Here, I first need to find the core of the truths I hold and what is important to me. From this, I need to derive some guide on how to handle things.
Before deciding on the what and how, I need to think about the why. In other words, before I can work out what I want to spend my time on, it’s a good idea to make sure that I don’t do it for the wrong reasons. These are the principles and truths I’ve found for myself:
I’ve found that I feel most fulfilled when two values are met in my day to day life: freedom and competence. freedom is an inherit one. I hate it when my day is full with demands of other people or when I don’t have at least some authority over my schedule. Comptetence, on the other hand, has a lot to do with self-respect. Yes, striving for competence stems, in part, from my childhood and I need to work on my mindset when it comes to wanting to be seen as the guy who knows his stuff, but there is nothing wrong with competence as a value. We need people who are informed and well-trained to persist in a rough world and the negative sides of human nature. To protect what is worth protecting.
From these core values, I want to derive some policies; some general approach on how to do things:
Truths:
Core values:
Policies to live these values effectively:
Getting closer to the action … What do I want to do with my life?
Goals can be problematic. As soon as you reach them, they fall apart. After a short burst of joy, that feeling fades quickly. That’s why I want to set broad goals. And I understand them more like a direction in which to sail, not a destination.
Step № 3 therefore talks about what I want my life to look and feel like. Who do I want to be? Step № 4 will talk about the systems to be put in place to become that person.
Family: For me, my family is a group to which I can always return to and be welcome. The people I grew up with and we know each other closely. No matter what, I just belong and will always have a seat at the table. This makes it very important to take good care of this net of relationships. I want to make it a priority.
(Side note: This not meant as a show-off of the perfect family – it’s not. But it’s still a place of a deep sense of belonging. And I’m sorry, if your core family is not a safe haven like this and hope you’ve found a good substitute in your life. A place you can call home.)
Friends: As with tools in the workshop – you can get perfectly through life with 3 – 5 very good ones. But you need to take very good care of them. Ignore them for too long, and rust or dust might accumulate. Help them and they’ll help you. I want to foster my close circle of friends deliberately.
Partner: At the intersection of family and friends is one special person. A best friend whom you’ll spend a lot of time with and share your deepest thoughts and emotions. I want to find this person now and start building this very central relationship.
With one of the most fundamental need taken care of, this liberates me to